Questioning and how to phrase questions to understand motivation, are a key component of NLP.
In my NLP training I learned a lot about questioning:
– What is happening?
– How is that happening?
– Why is it happening?
This way you can identify the specific situation and find a solution. The solution itself can often be found the other way around:
– Why is something a problem?
– How is it a problem?
– What can be done to solve it?
Again, looking at an example you would try to find out the details (what), then the sequence (how) and the actual reason behind it (why). Then, in order to find the solution you look for the pattern or principles (why), the process and policy (how), and then the procedure and protocol (what). You look at patterns and how you can change those and why they exist.
Your motivational direction, why do you want to do something: you want to either move away from something or towards to something. Like you might want to move away from feeling lonely towards having a relationship. Usually a ‘towards to’ motivation is stronger and longer lasting. Again have a go and try it out, you will not learn without trying. This questioning can also be used to find underlying motivation in yourself or a behaviour you have.
If you want to go further into personal development, you would try to find your true inner values. You would try to find out what motivates you, interests you and what you like to achieve in life. What is really important? The best thing to do is to find a coach that is trained in NLP in order to do some personal development work.
For instance there might be a part of you that is pro something and another that is against something. Both parts inside you are having their own motivation for the better for you. Accepting those parts and integrating them is another helpful thing to do.
Whenever there is an inner conflict, it is because you have two opinions in your mind, and they both try to work in your favour. So if you are brought up to not bin food, then there is a value and behaviour that stops you from binning any food unless absolutely necessary.
If you have another value of not overeating, this could conflict. Both values are important, and they are good rules for you: don’t bin food and don’t overeat. In conjunction they don’t work and you can use part integration to make them both feel good, for you to feel better if now and then you bin a bit of food but this eat a bit without feeling guilty on either side.
Let’ s look more into values next week!
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